And the 14-15 season had already started

I knew I have neglected this poor blog for longer than I intend to.

This morning, I was shocked to see my last post was about Superbowl dinner.  What was I doing, not opening blogger in the first half (and plus) of this year?

... USUALS.  Everyday whatnots.

My husband has taken a lot of business trips during the time.  He made his first trip to South America just after the Soccer World Cup, and safely made his way home.  Thank goodness.

My daughter is now a 4th grader and doing some complicated math drill as homeworks (and of course, a lot of Kanjis to memorize).  Now she wears shoes as big as mine.  Honestly, we have switched each others' shoes more than once, like, after going out all day and her feet get tired too much.

My family members has exciting life of their own, I see.

And what about me?

"What about me?" - Is this a common, cheap self question of mid-40 wife/mother's?

Ok, let's see.  I've started something new, yes.  I am learning Italian on the NHK radio program since this April.  At the same time, I am trying to blush up my Spanish also on the radio programs.  It IS confusing learning TWO latin-based languages at the same time.  My Spanish was mucho, mucho mejor than my newcomer, Italian.  While I try to memorize one new word in Italian, it was read in Spanish pronunciation twice (which is not really a problem, they are so alike).  I mis-spelled the word like Spanish.  I asked myself why I don't just stick to Spanish,  which I still can't make proper past-tense sentence and have tons to learn.  Why?  Because Italian is NEW to me.  Close enough to make me want to learn, but new.

Now, after 5 month of doodling and murmuring, my Italian has improved.  A little.  I think I can order a coffee and a sandwich (Vorrei un cafe e un panino con tonno, per favore.)  

Well, listening to 15 minutes programs on the radio is the most exciting thing in my life.  And I think I am completely satisfied by that.

That's me.  And I needed this post to realize that.

Using a foreign language is a time-consuming process.  Take this Blog?  I spent more than 50 minutes just to post this much.  Blog post in Spanish or Italian?  No way.

But it's not about me speaking out loud.  It's about understanding.  It's about understanding myself (like today).  Composing foreign language sentence requires a good amount of analyzing and constructing, re-constructing pieces.  Pieces of thought, that is.

And of course, it's about learning what other people does.  I just want to understand those interviews on the news without Japanese subtitles.  Real words.  Not watered-down version.

Maybe, I learn other languages so I can read Sports News websites without translation.

Go, Texans!  2 - 0 is a nice start.

hibernation, and waking up

Last year came and went like a fizz.  I feel I didn't do anything new, but hope that it's an underrating to myself.  As long as a person is living and doing everyday OK, he/she never stops finding something newer and better, whether or not he/she notices.

When I look back, I have to admit I had a not-so-creative year, knitting-wise.  Almost all my knitting project was for my aunt, who was diagnosed with a breast cancer and started chemotherapy immediately.  Thank goodness it was found in the very early stage and was treated well. As of today, she is very well recovered from the surgery. After 2 month, prognosis is very good.

I knit her chemo caps, a preyer shawl, and toeless socks (all her nail fell off as a side-effect of chemotherapy. Toe nails are slower to grow back). She is the best recipient of my knittings - she always gives me appreciations (and good motivations to knit MORE for her), and treats my gifts in the most respectful way.  You know, she WEARs them and hand-washes them properly.  Every single pieces I knit for her is in use.  My husband and daughter do wear what I knit for them, too, but all the washings are on my hand and they don't express the admiration my aunt gives me by words.  

Words.  Yes, words have power.

Last year was the record low blogging year for me.  Not that I gave up on it, but…. I think I needed a little vacation from it.  

I didn't Twitter much, neither.  I didn't visit Ravely so often, neither.  I did take pictures but didn't upload them on Flickr! so much, neither.

One reason that I don't use Twitter or Pinterest neither recently, is the "recommended" or "related" pieces they slip in on my board.  I want to choose what I see, that was the concept of "following", right?  Until when I can opt out from "related pins" and such, I'd look away from Twitter-verse and Pinterest boards.

Which, I look more often on blog-sphere these days.  It has a slower traffic, and I have more control on what shows up.

Keeping a blog becomes a task, a burden, when you stop updating it often.  What you feel in everyday life, the tone of your speech, they changes like the river flow.  Looks the same everyday, but what's right in front of you is not the same as the water of yesterday flown away from you and gone forever.  Do you want to record all of your everyday life?  Or do you want to let them go, just let them go unmentioned, "just like yesterday, nothing new"?

And suddenly, the river shows us a completely different face.  A rainstorm.  Those brown, fierce gush of water breaks peaceful routines and bring them away.  After the event, the river looks just like before, but it's not the same anymore. Do you want to write about the stuff you are not seeing anymore in your life? 

I have been keeping this blog for over six years.  I moved back from Texas, USA to Kyoto, Japan. My daughter is growing up, my grown-up families are growing older in that six years.  Japan has experienced a major disaster, which gave me no harm in my material life but crashed some of what I believed in.  I got a part-time but responsible job that eats off my precious time with fiber.

Blog has to change, too, when the writer's life experiences changes.  There are blogs closed when the writer "outgrows" of them or "finds different ways of expressing him/herself".   A closed blog makes itself eternal, in a way.  It may an act of respect to the blog to keep/freeze it as it is.

I was thinking about this blog while I was away from it.

Do I want to close it?  Just like a completed photo album, and stash away in the attic? Scrap, frame and keep the six-plus years of my life (not everything, but the essence of it)?

… No, I don't.

Life is a continuous act.  And writing about it gives me the power to face it.  Not may be the perfect control of it, but to cut out pieces from it and think over it, is a way to keep it rolling on.  I have not done, and will not try, recording everything in my life, hoarding murmuring "I got have this, too!*  I'll just keep on scrapbooking my life here, keeping only pretty/kawaii and important/moving stuffs.  As my life continues, without quitting and restarting, my blog, too, will continue on, if changes its face in a long-run.

I'll just visit here a little bit more often this year. At least more (three times, ha!) than last year.  And that's my new year's resolution.

A quick one before the Holiday season

I haven't forgotten this blog.  Just.... doing this and that other than writing here.

Like spinning cotton with a tahkli.  These days, though, I do almost all the cotton spinning on my handmade ahka-style spindle.  Handmade with a bamboo barbecue skewer and a plastic dish for flower pots (you know, the one you put under a flower pot to catch excess water).

My cotton spinning has become a part of my daughter's going-to-bed routine.  When she gets ready to sleep (done snack and brushing her teeth and all), I go with her to her bedside, start Stephenie Gausted's "Spinning Cotton" video on my iPad.  She watches the video for a while, from wherever the point that starts, enjoys it and wants to do (one day) all the "fancy jobs" - ginning, willowing, carding, making the fiber into puni, and spinning with a charkha.  Then, she just listens Miss Stephenie's voice.  Like listening to a bedtime story read by her favorite great-aunt.  And I spin, rather slowly, talking (or not talking) this and that, until she goes to sleep.

It's a bit sad that my daughter has lost her English language skills almost completely.  No wonder.  More than four years in complete Japanese-only environment, going to school and everything.
But, she says she loves listening to Miss Stephenie (Stephenie-san).  Norman Kennedy's singing-and-spinning video doesn't work for her, nor Maggie Casey's calming voice.
I believe she still remembers fondly of the teachers she met at KinderCare Learning Center more than half of her whole life (four years) ago.  Hearing Stephenie-san's Southwestern US English gives home-coming feeling to her.  Happily, and warmly, she goes to a good night's sleep.

My cotton-spinning evening may or may not continue because December is coming.  Last year's advent project was so fun and satisfying that I've decided to do that this year, too.
This year, it's Angels project.  I'll knit or crochet one angel a day.  I am going to use the same pattern many times, because finding 24 different angel patterns which finishes in one day is not likely to possible.  I may use lots of different yarns, and also the same yarn many times.  My point is, making Angels.

Like, this one.


Pattern; Tiny Christmas Angel by Elizabeth Ann White
Yarn; my handspun, the first batch I tried with my tahkli.

Now, I gotta go to 100-yen store to get a display wall-pocket.  I can't find the one I bought last year.

Happy before-Holiday weeks, my friends!

Just going on

It's almost two weeks into new 2012, and those "new year" feelings is behind me.  You know, a blank-paper like, fresh "I can do anything" ambition.  I didn't find it at all in the first place, if I think back.  I'm in this burnt-out, post-holiday, flattened mind, sort of.  It's about time for me to make a resolution for this year if I want any reality to it.

A month ago, I was in the middle of this;

Knit and Crochet advent project.
One a day, all different, all with stash yarn - well, almost all, I bought a small amount of cotton lace thread with sequins.  I had a lot of fun making those.  Each one was done within half an hour or so, put in a vinyl pocket on medicine organizer I bought at 100-yen shop.

(Not a good picture.  I should have chosen a sunny day.)

My daughter was delighted to see a new stuff every day when she comes home from school. I think I found out a good tradition-to-be.

After we celebrated Christmas with this (Christmas eve)

and these (Christmas day) ...

(note; I did most of the cooking, but the steak in the upper pic and Christmas cake cooked and baked by my husband.  I happily say my marriage is a success.)

Here came the New Year.


Yes, I got 3 pounds more to shed off.

This year 2012 is a year of Dragon in Chinese Zodiac.  Our new year's card had this "kawaii"  /cute dragon family.

And of course, I had to make this;

Pattern; Fierce Little Dragon by Lucy Ravenscar
Yarn; Leftovers from this scarf.  100% wool fingering yarns, very likely to be more than 30 years old.
Hook; size D (3.25mm) aluminum


Other than this new addition to our family (my daughter loves her - she is a girl dragon, named Saphira, after the dragon in Eragon), I have a few things coming up.

My mother came back home last weekend from hospital where she was taking a series of tests and rehab programs for her back and neck issue.  We (means my mother, me, my sister and brother, and the social worker) have to arrange how we install handrails on the wall and AC in her living/dining/sleeping room.  Financially, she has no problems.  It's mostly an insurance procedure, and, we don't ask her if and she won't admit but, Mom's mindset.
She lives in Osaka, where its summer is scorching but her apartment has very good breeze most of the day, and its winter is not really hard.  35 years ago when my father bought it, he said he didn't like "unnatural coolness and warmth" because his back hurts or he feels too balmy too easily. It was his choice that we didn't have any drapes on the windows (Annoying!) nor AC (Unnecessary!)  My brother had a small electric heater in his room because it was the coldest place in the house, and we had kotatsu and small heating carpet in our living room.  And it wasn't so uncomfortable in those days' standard.  But, now the summer is hotter and Mom is older (Sorry!).  Every summer after we came back to Japan, every time we visit her at her apartment, I ask her if she doesn't need AC and she answers no.  For her health, I don't doubt AC is not a luxury but a necessity.  Mom doesn't say so, and I have not asked her, but maybe it has somewhat sacred meanings for her to keep the house as her husband liked.  I respect her faith, but it's about time for her to move on, sort of.

My husband will have a rather busy first third or half of this year.  His job requires him to fly abroad more often.  Good thing is, he enjoys most part of that.  He has great flexible taste for food. Thanks to the mileage he gathered last year, his Frequent Flyer status is upgraded that his trips will be a little easier.  Next year he might regain "Platinum elite" first time since the hectic "fly every week" times he had in 2007.
My daughter somewhat welcomes his absence (poor Dad) because she can slip in the big bed with me and her favorite dolls.  I will enjoy her warm love and admire for me while I can.  She is growing up so fast, means the day she repels me off like a filthy old witch is coming considerably soon.

My teaching job at a local college is going so-so.  I still can't believe my students treat me as "an expert in Windows OS and MS Office", about which still I'm on the way of learning so hard just to give them something to do every week.  I may have some kind of skills to use ordinary computer applications for whatever I need to do, from making report sheets and keeping track of science experiments to more every-day things like making new year's cards or knitting chart.  And that's the essence of my class.  My students, most of them are 18, are born in the age of internet and e-mails, but too used to them that they don't stop and try all what those applications can.  I want to show them the flexibilities and possibilities of simple word processor and spreadsheets.  The problem is, many of my students are not academically good, to be honest.  First thing I have to cover for them is usually the basic of basics - like, proper term and pronunciations, junior high school math and physics.  I try every week so hard to find out how to make our 90 minutes flow, from basic to advanced (not really, actually), without letting them sleepy nor overwhelmed, and always feel frustrated by the lack of my teaching skill.  I feel rewarded most of the time, though, when I check their reports.  Next week is the last one for this year, thank goodness, and I will surely get the same job for the coming year.

The job steals me of my crafting time for sure, but I guess I'm now in the stage of my life when I need to work for somebody else than my family.
For a long time already, I have wanted to be a retiree.  Yes, retiree.  Live slow and small, find happiness in subtle but beautiful daily milestones.  But in order to retire, I need to be in the position of some sort in the first place, I guess.  Now I'm in the "building up" stage.

So, I'll just keep going on, work for whatever I can, wherever I'm needed.  I'll not give myself a big plan this year.  I'll just spend my days to do anything I need to do on that day.  This is my new year resolution, or non-resolution more precisely.

Peace on Earth

What a year it was.

After the earthquake and the successive nuclear power plant disaster, I found much of my belief  destroyed, too.
The people I believed to be professional look like not so.
The people I believed who know what they were doing, actually didn't.
My knowledge and understanding about what happened was limited.  I knew that and wasn't surprised nor disappointed by that.  But that's a pain nonetheless.

At the same time, I heard and saw mindful, wise, and effective moves made by many people, too.
I received a lot of love and caring words from my friends all over the world.
And I learned a lot, though I still have only so limited understanding about the technology and scientific background of all the stuff I take for granted.


I am OK.
My country is OK.

And I will not stop believing the good nature, of people I meet, people I hear of.
I will not stop believing that scientific mind can achieve a lot of great thing.

I believe in, the better angels of our nature.

Peace and Love, and A Happy New Year, to all my friends.

Chica

In the middle

The other day, it hit me that I am about as the same age as my mother was when I recognize how old she was for the first time in my life, like, when I was in the 1st grade.  I vaguely remember talking with my classmates how old our mothers were.  My mom was at the older end, and I remember feeling not-so-happy to have "old" mother.

So, I guess, me right now would be the first image of me for my daughter.  I have no idea how she feels about me being my age.

This idea does not depress me, thank goodness, but nudge me to run more often and watch more carefully what I eat.  Because I know from now on I am going only older and older.  A little effort to slow down that process can't turn out wrong.

Because, to see your own mother to be older is a pain from time to time.

My mother is now having some difficulty standing up for long time or walking.  Her "just sitting and talking" is a sharp contrast with my daughter's constant run/hop/climbing up and sing/finding something fun.
And I see clearly that I'm oh-so middle-aged.  I'm just in the middle of those two women, one in her seventies and one waiting for her 8th Christmas in her life.

This year, Kyoto is having a sub-par "momiji", or autumn color of trees.  It was unusually warm in November, so those leaves didn't have any cue to turn their color to vivid red and yellow.  They just are turning brown now as the temperature going down like normal wintertime.  It's an un-welcome situation for the sightseeing industry which this city depends on and disappointing to the teachers and kids who really wants beautiful leaves for their art project.

But, we know, we all know, that sometimes we have such year.  And the color combination of this yarn looks like a somber reminder of that fact.

Work in progress; Maple Sugar Socks by Karin Bole
Yarn; ONline Supersocke Sierra color, I think the colorway is 01 but may be wrong.
It's thin to touch and curls up horribly, but makes a good sock.  I am looking forward to see how wet blocking works.

Looking, touching and knitting this, I think of "down" year like this year, admit my imperfect self and think of rest "half" of my life.

To light up rather dull scenery outside, I started a new tradition (hopefully) of December.  I am making one small ornament every day, and put it on the...

Craft advent calendar, stuck on the inside of our front door.  The pocket is about 2 x 3 inches, so you got the idea how small they are.  I got the base at 100-yen shop, along with two magnets and the small wreath at the top.  The yarns I'm using for the ornaments are those bits and pieces of leftovers.  That means, this is a very economical project.

My daughter is having fun finding "what's new" when she comes home from school everyday.  It's a joy to me.

October 5th.

It's 21 years since my father passed away. There was a year I totally forgot the date, just called my mother on a whim (or so I thought) and found out it was the anniversary day.  There was also a year I couldn't think about anything but about him.
The dead is unchanged. The livings change.  Improve, decline, up and downs, wonder about.

This year, I noticed the date didn't call to my mother.  Just spent the day like other "ordinary" days in the year.  Mom sent me the usual text message first thing in the morning (proof of life) and I returned a tex mentioning weather.  It was jut another Wednesday, except for a headache that sent me to bed early (thanks to my dear husband, who took care of our daughter perfectly and my lovely and smart daughter who knows what to do and when.)

This morning, I woke up without a headache but with a slight backache likely because of too much lying down, did what I do when I start the day.
And found out Steve Jobs passed away.  On US time, on October 5th.

Of course I did not KNOW him. Like other billions of people in this world, I'm just another user of Apple product.  I'm one of the people who was changed their life forever by Mr. Jobs, with not so much knowing about that when the change happened but now notice that.
I. Feel. Sad.

It's a great loss.
We had lost him officially when he resigned the CEO of the company.  But sadness came, at least for me, only today.

It may be because I just finished my listening to Harry Potter audiobooks yesterday, but it seems to me that we just lost one of the greatest wizards of our time.

RIP Steve Jobs.  Or, go ON.  Like other wizards who chose to do so, not remaining in our world as a ghost.


8 years ago, we found a "real" McIntosh apple at Kroger or WalMart near our apartment and got excited(we don't have them on the market in Japan).  Fun memory.

40+

I started this blog to talk about my finished knitting project, basically. "Basically" because I was going to talk about not-yet-projects, mere thoughts and anything gives me inspirations & motivations to my knitting.

On the other hand, I'm keeping track of my knitting on Ravelry. The record there is more precise and whole, naturally. Ravelry is a database (and some more, of course). This is a blog. There's no rule that I have to post on every project I finished. I can just pick up some favorites and write whatever innocent, and let it flow away into the cyberspace.

The other day, the "collector in me" has made a list. According to it, there are still more than 40 projects (that I know of) yet un-blogged.

Sigh.

I'll start crossing one project by one off the list.

One post (at least) every week, I'll promise. Starting.... next week. Maybe assigning a day of the week for this blog helps me to get the peace of mind, and rhythm of life.

One more, before going back to "usual".

Thank you for the supportive messages to my last post.

What happened nor what's going on do not allow us to be optimistic. But reconstructions are beginning. Nuclear reactors are getting cooled down. I'm not panicked.

Thank you for your kind heart and rational mind, fellow knitters.

Please, read this.

And send money to MSF and Red Cross / Red Crescent of your country.

They know who needs help the most. I want to thank them to remind me that earthquake victims are not the only one who needs to be helped. It's another shocking truth.

I'll send my money to our fellow Japanese through Japanese Red Cross Society, because it's where my heart goes the first. And I'll keep on doing my annual donations to MSF and UNICEF this year, too. I believe they know better than me in deciding how much to go whom.

No, it's not.

I was thinking of posting about the wonderful gift package (this for my daughter and this for me) from Janet. But before that, I think I need to talk about the earthquake.

As everybody knows, on March 11, 2011, a mega-size earthquake hit the Northeastern to Eastern part of Japan. Its magnitude was 9.0. In less than 10 minutes, tsunami, more than 10 meters high, hit the coastal area. I was just lucky living far from the area and staying unaffected by it. My husband's family lives in the area of rolling blackout. His sister's husband is from Ishinomaki. His family is OK, but it took 3 days to hear from them.

Some people use the words like "God's Wrath" or "Punishment" to describe the disaster. I don't think that's right.

People who are suffered, killed or lost their houses were not ignorant. Nor reckless. Nor arrogant.

They are not punished.

Japan is in the geological setting which is inseparable with huge earthquakes and tsunamis. Coastal areas have been struck by a tsunami once in several decades or so for long time, like longer than written history. Those who lives in the affected area had accumulated the know-hows to survive. There were local alarm broadcast system, seawalls, evacuation map and everything.

This time, what happened there was almost the worst thing in the history, beyond preparations. Who in the world would be fully prepared to an earthquake which makes GPS grid distort by 8 ft. and make a whole city area sink 25 inches?

Earthquakes happen in our country. This time, the impact was beyond our imagination.

Now, our own pride technicians, police, armed forces, municipal workers, medical stuffs and care workers are working with more and more aids from the countries all over the world, even from New Zealand, who was also hit by a big earthquake recently.

To save lives.

With all the wisdom we have.

It's no time for accusations nor begging for mercy of God.

Difficult time is going to follow. Survival is one thing, and recovery is another.

Please think of Japan, of the people who suffered.

And support MSF. Please. They know who needs the most.

ETA; I forgot to write down the most important thing I have in mind. THANK YOU, WORLD. I feel we're not alone.

"Tis the Season

Although Nov.23 is the holiday called "Labor Thanksgiving Day" in Japan, we don't consider it as a day (or a weekend) to celebrate with family member like in the USA. That means, our modern commercialized life is being filled by those red and green Christmas colors already, instead of brown and orange of turkeys and pumpkins.

It's the time of the year I give myself a good thinking about my religious view.

I celebrate Christmas. Partly because Christmas gives me a good excuse to indulge in cakes and good foods. And partly because I believe in Santa Clause somewhere deep in my heart (seriously).

And, partly because it's the birthday of Jesus Christ. He gives me the cue to my wandering into religious thought every year.

I am not a Christian, though.

I am not so uncomfortable to celebrate a religious holiday I don't really believe in, maybe because my religion (Shinto) is polytheistic. It's not that I consider the God in Christian (or Jewish, or Islamic) belief is "just one of our gods", but that I don't feel troubled to show my respect and awe to any holy power.

My openness to other religions comes from my curiosity, too. Curiosity. I know it's not really a good word when we talk about religious issues. But how else can I describe my excitement I feel when I learn about historic, traditional, and everyday life having been carried for hundreds of years in a far-away part of the world? The way people feel about life, and death, and what is right/wrong is so different but so similar. Sometimes I found myself agreeing the phrases in the Bible. Sometimes I get so fascinated by Jewish rituals or Islamic laws. I feel so connected to women lived way before me, and far away from here.

I was given advises after advises not to talk about religions with anybody so lightly, because it just calls for troubles, because I might lose friends, because I might become a target of a hate crime, etc.

But, boy, I can't stop thinking about how I live - how happily I live. When so many people believe in that the answer I search for is all in their faith, I would love to learn it. I just want to "just learn", without any promises for farther commitment. If I want to learn more, I would learn more. If I find "This is it!", I might change my relationship to my family and turn to "It".

The other reason I want learn about various religions is that I don't want to offend anybody by my ignorance. I don't want to offer hams to Muslim nor cheese burger to Jews. At least I want to have enough sense to ask what I can offer before I invite somebody who might feel uncomfortable on the stuff I take for granted.

I had opportunities to learn the Bible before. Every time, I was very impressed by the love I get from the words and between the lines. And every time, I found myself uncomfortable to be told to follow Jesus, just follow with all of my heart and soul. No. I can't follow somebody I don't really know. Yes, his words and deeds are in the Bible. No, I don't think they are all lies, maybe there're some degree of exaggeration, but it's written hundreds of years ago so it's OK for me. Yes, I found lots of good inspirations in it. But still, no, I can't follow a single person just because he is great and billions of people are following him.

And no, he is not my father.

Does he love me? Thank you. I kinda feel I like you, too, but that's all.

This year, the principal of my daughter's kindergarten (also a pastor) is giving us mothers a once-a-month Bible learning class. I enjoy it very much, and again, I don't think I would convert.

I had opportunities to talk with religious Muslims during my college days. They were students from Islamic countries studying science (earth science, to be precise.) I liked their attitude to Islam. They think Islam is a very well-considered guide to their daily life. It helps Muslim to avoid bad habits and temptations. Sounds like a good system overall.

I only read novels and basic books about Judaism and Jewish life. First, it seemed to me to be bound too tightly with rituals and rules. Then, I thought, if I was born as a Jew and have been lived as a Jew, those rituals must have become part of me. I would find that when I do everyday things comfortably, then it happens to be kosher. (Of course that would not be always the case, seeing there are endless arguments and Q&As about keeping kosher.)

Buddhism is familiar to me, since most of Japanese claims themselves as Buddhist. I thinks it's a good guide to live independently and helping each other, at the same time. Independently, because only how I live liberates me from the reincarnation cycles. Helping each other, because it's so hard to live through this life full of suffers, I would need somebody else's help in many occasions and I would like to help somebody else when I can. I ask the saints to give me the clarity of mind, and to lead us to a brighter and better direction. Sometimes Buddhism looks to have too much weight on deaths, and too less appreciations on daily joys, though.

Every time I think of how I live, what I choose to do, I think of my own father.

Am I doing what my father would be proud of? - this, is the very basic of Shintoism as I understand. It's a simple ancestor worship, and the closest ancestor is your father (and mother, of course). Parents are not perfect, so are not the ancestors before them, neither. But their thoughts, loves and cares, would be purified to become something we can rely upon after a long time. (This purification process might be the tendency of living humans to forget subtle errors, by the way.)

Yes, that's where I come back to.

Well, a long post.

These are the mind pathways I take while I sit and knit on the nights before holidays. They may cross or go parallel with my friends' paths. We see each other at the cross/closest point, and go to where we go. We might take separate ways, but where the road ends, we might find each other again.

I thank all of my friends and families, to share their love and thoughts with me. It's the essence of holidays, right?

Thank y'all.

I love y'all.

Chica

lace issue

About a month ago, I read this post on YarnHarlot's blog. Since then, I have been thinking about what makes a lace knitting a lace knitting.

In one sentence, for me, it goes this way;

To knit lace, you have to take care of what you going to have.

When I make a yarn-over, it creates; 1) a hole, and, 2) one stitch width of space.

When I make a ssk (or sl-k-po, whatever) or k2tog, it creates; 1) a bump, and, 2) one stitch less width of space.

If I want don't want to change the width of my project but want to have a series of decorative holes, I need to make the same numbers of ssks and k2togs combined as the yos. If I want to change the width to make it grow or shrink triangularly, I need to make more or less ssks and k2togs, at the same rate on both sides of the project. I need to keep track of those, mindfully or mindlessly, and systematically.

A hole-y fabric produced by too-thick-for-the-yarn needles lacks those works of mind. I can see the beauty of holes of that meshy project (whew, I spelled it correctly. Didn't double "s".) , I can't call it a lace.

It's like a garden. I could grow (by just not pulling) whatever seeds the birds scattered in my backyard (uh... pots on the balcony) and find whatever weeds coming up as beautiful as the most expensive orchid plant on e-bay. But it's not gardening. If I want to "garden", I should plan and make it materialize (at least, should try to make it happen). Even if the flower doesn't bloom in a color on the package, even if the only thing I harvest is one dried-up fruit of strawberry, that's gardening.

Seeding yos and k2togs sophisticatedly, and harvesting those (when purling through the WS) carefully with love, you can have a beautiful lace piece.

Summer. It's for gardening, and lace.

The way I think right

I bought this bag at H.E.B. grocery store by the Market Street in The Woodlands, TX. It's made by the women in developing countries and sold at "fair price" to support them. I just liked the color, fabric, and the size (though now I feel it's a bit too small) of the bag, and felt the happiness that I can buy it. I used and used and used the bag so the shoulder strap finally started to break apart.

Now, if buying these bags really help the fellow women, I should just throw it away and buy a new one so I can do my share of helping more, shouldn't I?

But, the body of the bag is still good enough for everyday use. I don't want to trash it.

The torn fabric of the shoulder strap reminded me of a small tip about productivity.

When you find a small paper clip on the floor of your office, don't pick it up - your wage during doing so is higher than the cost of one small paper clip.

I don't want to live like that. I would rather pick up all the paper clips on the entire floor and make a funny hedgehog out of them.

I patched the strap. Doing so doesn't pay to the women who makes bags, but I feel more connected to them.

So, this is my "paper-clip picking" project. I have a couple more.

My husband wore this cotton shirts out. He gave it to me "to use whatever way you like" - cut into wipe cloth, clean the bathroom, whatever.

So, I patched it.

Now I got a soft, nice spring coat / work shirt.

Next? I'm going to frog my daughter's fit-perfectly-last-year-but-now-it-is-way-too-small socks and reknit pairs for her again. One frogged, two more to go.

Best part is, that my daughter wanted me to do so.

2010

My resolution for 2009 wasn't so ambitious, but a little too much for me. This year, I will concentrate only on ... losing weight.

No, it's not a joke.

As the first step, I signed up for an online (on-cell-phone, more precisely) fitness program. It costs me only 210 yen per month, but it's not free. I think paying money (how little it is) gives me a good motivation not to drop out. I can do yoga or Pilates right here in my living room, right at the moment I got 5 minutes before picking up my daughter. I got no excuse not to do any workout.

For knitting, I decided to make NO plan this year. I'll knit anything I want, at any pace I'm comfortable with. I'll make no promise to anyone, including myself, to make something.

Only exception is to plan and attend once-a-month meeting with Kansai Knitters Meetup Group in Kyoto.

In short, "think small" is my motto for this year. Yes, I want smaller me.

Gardening without a garden

This year, I got a pretty large plant pot, a bag of gardening soil, and a cherry tomato seedling from nearby home center. Later, I got a bag of fertilizer which says "for tomatoes", too.

Today, I harvested eight tomatoes as the last crop and cut down all the vines, packed them in a plastic bag and put out as garbage. The tree was tired and lost almost all the leaves. I could have saved several green fruits still on the vines by waiting a week or so more, but Typhoon No. 9 (No, our lovely Meteorological Agency doesn't name them. We just give them numbers. An international meeting give them Asian names, but we, ordinary Japanese never recognize a typhoon with name.) was coming closer - or so I figured that I didn't want to take a risk.

I explained my daughter that I was going to cut down the tomato tree while she was helping me harvesting. "No, I don't wanna say good-bye." "But, look, the leaves are almost gone. It's about time, honey."

She went inside. I was sure she was watching me using my pruning scissors, and lost her interest after a few minutes.

It's OK. What I have done today was an act of killing. It's not something she has to learn to do it herself yet.

We live in an apartment in the city. It's not completely unaffordable, but very expensive to have a "real" garden in my neighborhood. I dream of having apple trees or citrus trees that I can cook with their fruits in my own backyard. I set a table under the tree, sit and knit and sip iced tea from a tall glass.... Just a dream. Instead, I spread a rug on the veranda/balcony/whatever the word that describes my little outside space which hold clothesline and plant pots, sip lukewarm coffee from my mug. Sometimes I knit.

And think of the next plant or seed I get from the home center.

This summer, I got 209 cherry tomatoes from my tree. And thankfully killed it. The typhoon took the eastern-most course that we didn't have any strong wind. Just rain.

spoiled

Now the rainy season is officially over. Summer. Is. Here.

My daughter and I spent 6 days at my husband's parents'. We had really good time. My husband (who couldn't make it this time due to business schedule) laughs at me, saying "you're more relaxed there than at your mom's!" He's got a point. At my mother's, I am supposed to take care of her. At in-law's, I can be one of mom-in-law's "kids to take care of," just one of helpers. At the age of 40, I'm praised when I do dishes, and I really feel good about it.

As a 40-yr old not a 5-yr old, though, I take pictures like this;

for color inspirations.

On this trip, I took only Poseidon socks and some leftover organic cotton yarns from baby projects with me. At the bookstore where my daughter picked up a workbook about numbers (my sister in law bought it for her), I found a book about amigurumi deserts&cakes. The "Taiyaki" (red bean paste filled pancake shaped like a fish) pattern is superb. I just couldn't NOT making one like "white taiyaki" which is becoming popular recently.

Mom-in-law liked it very much, so, naturally, it became hers. I hope it's good for her. At least, it's organic.

My daughter enjoyed VERY much staying at Gramma's. She played outside every day, played the piano her daddy first played 30 years ago, won climbing up on every lap but her great-gramma (who's 94 and has thinner thigh than my daughter) and her oldest cousin (who's 14 and a boy... he's a nice boy but, ohh, touchy, touchy age!) there. She watched all the video games her cousins play (which is surprisingly small part of their days). She helped her gramma washing all the plastic trays (in which sashimi came) for recycle. She enjoyed every minute of our stay, and at the same time, couldn't wait to go back home to see Daddy.

My husband's "welcome back home" went straight to our stomach;

(You see my daughter's plate is almost empty?)

Yes, my daughter thinks it's very nice but somewhat takes it for granted that her dad bakes. Angel food cake from scratch.

How much spoiled are we?

10 %

On the second&last day of a weekend trip to onsen, in the big outside bath tub stretching out my arms, I had that usual mixed thoughts.  

• It was a good trip - good food, nice room, fun family time together and quiet time alone.
• Where did my sock knitting mojo go?  I ended up knitting 40 cm of garter stitch scarf.
• It's OK. variegated + double stranded + garter stitch = therapeutic. Was true with cotton yarn.
• Ah, good minimalism beauty.  Just me, and bath tub.  Even though it seems like a huge illusion that one can live in a room like ryokan (hotel), can I tidy up my house a little better?
• Oh, I got to do a bigger laundry tomorrow.
• Oh, big grocery shopping today.
• Yeah, I want to try cooking pork like yesterday's dinner.  Just steamed on cabbage leaves?  Salt and, pepper?
• Ah, foot bath.  Can I  have one at home?  Will a couple of ordinary pails work?

Mind bogglers. 

I love&enjoy staying at hotels, visiting and staying at families, seeing or eating local specialties, but that doesn't make me write "interested; travel" on my "profile" page.  I, basically, don't like traveling.  Travel itself is fun, but I usually overwhelmed by getting ready and wrapping up.

I have a love/hate feeling with those almost lifelessly tidied rooms.  I love them, but it reminds me that I am seriously challenged in keeping a tidy, clean house.  At home, I constantly step on laundries, catalogues and paper bags.  I am afraid my daughter has already picked up my bad habit because I constantly step on her toys, too.  I hate myself telling my daughter to watch her steps, instead of cleaning the floor.

What is my problem?  I do have a big clean-up day from time to time.  What happens is I get tired and throw out the work 50-to-80% completed.  It looks a little better, and I talk myself into being satisfied.  Then, the same "decay process" starts right after that.  I try to keep the stuff go back to where it belongs, but hey, who can do it perfectly?

While I was in the hot (really hot) tub, thinking about going home later in the day and feeling sort of depressed, I suddenly remembered what Brian Wansink said in his book, "Mindless Eating".

"People want to eat the same amount as the day before.  If you eat 30% more than the day before, you'll feel heavy. And you'll feel guilty.  If you eat 30% less, you notice it.  You'll feel hungry.  And want to eat more to compensate the loss.  When you want to achieve a success on diet, keep the change in less than 10%.  Doing so, you will not notice the hunger.  Eating better becomes your habit."

(No, it doesn't go exactly as this.  I don't remember word by word and I got that book from Audible that I can't reach it for reference so easily. )

My point is, I got an idea that this concept may be true to the endless household work as well as appetite.  Like belly fat, untidiness piles up day by day, without noticing that I'm a little lazier than yesterday.  Or, like eating only 1000 kcal a day, I'll notice how "too good" I am if I do a big clean-up one morning, that I'll spoil myself to say OK to the second DVD of the afternoon. 

Can I do a little, less than 10%, better/more housework every day?  

It may be my another clever excuse for not doing a big clean-up.  But I believe (hope, wish, whatever) it's worth trying.  Last night, I made a new file on Clover Diary.  It's titled "10%".  I'll keep track on my "plus" or "minus" of what I did outside everyday shopping, cooking, laundry.

Yesterday's "10%"; Getting flowers and fill abandoned empty pots.  Starting rug project on huge needles with used clothes.

Today's ; Cleaning the corner of bath room, to de-mold.  

Small step, but I'm going forward.

Losing and keeping

Some 10 years ago. It was when my grandmother was still active enough to go to a nearby Shinto shrine to meet her friends and do some exercise every morning.  She saw ginkgo trees over there having lots of nuts and thought it's a shame not to share them with families.

There're mixed info about what she actually did.  I heard she picked up some nuts right there (carefully, as the fruits is stinky and make your skin itchy, develop rash for a lot of people), cleaned them.  My mom says she just picked up some already cleaned, ready-to-roast nuts at store.  Anyway, she sent some nuts to me via my mom.  Mom ate them all.  I planted some, and one of them grew into a pretty pretty tree.

When we moved to the US, I sent the pot to my brother.  The tree was just 30 cm or so tall.  After 5 years, when we moved back to Kyoto, he sent it back to me.  It's now as tall as my husband (he is as tall as Wandy Rodoriguez, fellow Astros fans.)

Here's the conversation on the phone between my bro and transport company guy.

Bro; ... and here's one more. A pot. Pretty big, planting pot.

Trp; Is it made of clay or plastic?

Bro; Plastic.

Trp; (relieved) Ok. No problem.

Bro; Except it's taller than me...

Trp; Huh? ....  Does it have any PLANT in it?

Bro; Sorry, I should have said so.

They are professional, so they just brought it to us overnight (as expected, it's just 100 km or 60-some miles) without farther whining, along with a piece of shamisen and seven boxes full of photo albums and books.

The tree is here.  Every time I see it, I think of my grandmother who passed away last year.  She is gone, but here I am, thinking of her.  And talking about her.

It hasn't produced any fruits yet.  I hope it's not because the tree is still young, but because it's a male.  I really hope so.  I love eating ginkgo nuts, but the smell of the fruits... not really.  Especially when it's 2.5 meter (~8 ft)  from our dining table.

I found a crochet pattern of Ginkgo leaf.  I think I can make some in several shades of pretty green,  golden yellow, and maybe in reddish brown, too.  We can't live forever, and these days, I feel it's OK as that's how the things go.

Drop off, pick up, put down

My daughter just started her first year in kindergarten (she'll be attending there for 2 years).  There's another child, a boy, who started this year, too, but everyone else in her class has been taking a 3-year course since last April.  We all talk that young children are more flexible in mind, easier to adjust to a new group than adults.. but at the same time, we know from our own experience that children can be very cruel and exclusive.  How much can a mother be worried?  

She is doing good so far.  I am sure the years (I almost wrote days.  No.  Nearly three years.) she spent at KinderCare Learning Center did very good for her and me.  I know I should just say goodbye and go as soon as she's in her teacher's hand.  There's no need to worry even if she doesn't look so happy at the school gate.  The teachers are professionals.  The class is small enough.  She's still on the way of catching up on Japanese language and everything ("common sense", so to say?), but has no problem communicating with others.  They are starting the curriculum slowly, by letting the children stay only for the morning this week.  She complains she wanted to play more, doesn't want to leave.  My morning, my precious time alone in the house just passes by doing laundry, talking with my husband (who's right now in the USA on business) on Skype, and fixing lunch.   Next week, they will stay longer and start having lunch at classroom.  She can't wait to bring her bento box. 

But anyway, she comes home tired every day.  Hungry and tired.  

After the lunch, we still have time to do everyday-before-kindergarten-days stuff, like going to grocery shopping together (and say hi to cashier lady) or playing at nearby playpark just by herself (while I'm on the bench, knitting) or watch her favorite TV show on HD recorder (while I'm on my MacBook, or knit), or even paint at balcony (for cleaning-up reasons.  I'm sitting beside her, knitting).  

Or, she needs a nap (usually, while I'm in the kitchen, fixing dinner.  She just collapses on the comfort chair).  

Or, she wants to work on her coloring book with me ("Please do not sew or knit, MOM!").

And when she goes to bed, it's our bed, not her own Dora-filled one.  She told me the other day, that she wants to sleep between Daddy and Mommy, every night.  (My husband groans.  4-yr old girl sleeping with her parents is not uncommon - it's our culture.   It's the sleep he is sure to lose, feeling too nervous if he might accidentally crush his little girl.  And think of those pain on the rib cage by the kicking that little girl makes in her shallow sleep.)

Although it looks my knitting time increases as my little girl grows up, I'm not making a lot of progress on my projects so far this week.  I'm constantly picking them up, and putting them down after a row or two when she talks to me.  And you know, finding miss-crossed cables 12 rows below (happened three times).

After she goes sleep?  I just collapse beside her.  When I find myself awake, I'm correcting that mistakes 12 rows below. Or like now, blogging/twittering.  I should knit instead.  Oh, yeah.

Spend just to satisfy myself

I have been thinking a lot about my stash these days.

Its sheer volume is overwhelming and almost embarrassing.  I know there are a lot of mega-stasher out there in the knitting world, but, thinking about the size of my house and the fact I'm not making any money with knitting, my stash is just too much bigger than me.  I should not be ashamed of, though, because it's not a selfish stash.

Those yarns I salvaged from my mother's house was meant to be something for the families.  Inheriting her yarns means I am taking over her position as "family knitter."  Now I got a good excuse to knit more - it's something I can be happy about.

I think now I knit somewhat like knitters of years ago; Knit with what you have in your hand.  Years ago, before internet yarn shopping, before LYS, knitters depended on local yarn or what they get from agents.  They knit what they need to, adding a little bits and pieces of fun here and there.  Labor knitters had less fun.  

Now I'm a family knitter of modern age.  I can knit guernsey or Nordic colorwork, even lace.  I can knit in any design my daughter likes.  There's no limit by tradition, age, social position on designs.  I am FREE.  I'm only limited by the yarn I have.  Gauge issue have to be solved by double-, triple-, or even quadruple-stranding and choosing one or two size larger/smaller, but those are what I'm always doing anyway.

But still, from time to time, I feel "I gotta buy yarn".  I'm addicted to knitting, crocheting, and buying yarns.

My solution for it is, to buy yarns for my friends.  And for a single, small project as "vent" knitting.  Like buying just two skeins of Noro Silk Garden for a scarf.

I found out another solution just today.  I have never bought on-line patterns (download & pay-pal kinda stuff) before.  I think I can replace yarn-buying with pattern-buying.  Not started yet, but I have a vague feeling this can be dangerous.  Unlike yarns, pdf files doesn't require any storage space.